The customer is obviously very frazzled. I can hear it in her voice. She's got that "anxiety attack" voice going on like she just ran Daddy's porsche into a ravine and he's going to beat her ass when she gets home. She's actually hitting the NUMBER KEYS as she's speaking because she's so frazzled. "*beep* I'm not *beep* to get *beep*..net." I tried calming her down. Assuring her we would see what was causing her problem, blah, blah, more mumbo jumbo bullshit. She just kept going on. This was speakerphone material and everyone around me got a kick out of my pain!
She was freaking out about the time it would take to solve her problem... "You aren't going to take forever are you?" and I'm thinking "Depends how much of a dumbass you are!". She just kept repeating that she was missing sleep and that she should be in bed and it always takes forever and begging me not to take a long time. She asked me to promise her I could solve her problem in 90 seconds and in 2 steps. Over and over. Over and over. Let me talk bitch!!! She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise so I just started talking over her...
"Look Ma'am.. your modem is online. I can access webpages from YOUR MODEM. So there is something wrong on your computer. I don't know what is wrong at this point. It may take more than 90 seconds. I cannot promise anything"
*insert crying* Yeah.. she actually started crying.
Almost 10 minutes into the call I said to her "we've been on the phone for 10 minutes. I could have had most of my troubleshooting done by now". That is kind of a lie, because anyone running Windows ME most likely has a super old bloated piece of shit computer filled with spyware.
She said "I just need to get this done" and I said "okay... lets get this done... Click Start and Run". Then she paused, took a breath and started freaking out again. I was very pissed off by this point and started repeating "Click Start then Run". The 6th time it came out of my mouth I gave up. There was no way to help this woman.
Now she's just wasting her time and my time so I say.. "Well, if you don't want to do any steps I can't help you." Another pause. I expected more tears but no. She apoligized and said I was very nice but she was too worked up to do any more troubleshooting. More troubleshooting? All I managed to get out of her was her phone number and the fact that she is running Windows ME!!!
I wrote down her number and I'll check it tomorrow night to see if she called back.