1) You have a term paper due tomorrow. It's not my fault you left it until the last minute.
2) You have to send an e-mail to your mother. Call her on the fucking phone.
3) Your service has been out 2 weeks and this is your first call.
4) You live in a trailer and have 5 kids. Nice to see cable internet is one of your top financial priorities.
5) You are in the middle of an in-depth conversation with your buddy on IM. You called me so pay attention!
6) You run an alternative OS, just don't expect any help with it.
7) Your AOL browser doesn't work. Are you that much of a fucking moron that you pay for 2 ISPs willingly?
8) Your computer won't start up. Stop calling me for issues that have nothing to do with me.
9) Your area is on tornado watch and you can't connect. Shouldn't you be hiding somewhere or getting the fuck out of there?
10) Your computer knowledge is lacking. Take a course, we provide you with Internet service, not a 24 hour "teach me how to use a computer" centre.